http://newlywedsurvivalguide.com Pre Marriage Counseling for a successful Marriage, and Marriage Counseling for You Old Guys too! Wed, 30 Mar 2011 19:25:18 +0000 http://backend.userland.com/rss092 It should come as no surprise that life can be very difficult for any individual suffering from severe or recurring anxiety or depression. But how does one's anxiety or depression affect their relationship, and can couples counseling help? Everyone feels anxious or depressed from time-to-time, and common every-day occurrences, such as meeting tight deadlines, first dates, being turned down for a job, or just watching the evening news can cause mild feelings of depression or anxiety. However, these types of mild anxiety or depression aren't bad. In fact, they can be helpful and evolutionary advantageous as these types of depression and anxiety tend to make us more focused and alert when faced with challenging or threatening situations or more empathic to ourselves and others when feeling pain. Unfortunately, severe anxiety and depression affect countless individuals each year and they often go hand-in-hand. And, unlike the brief anxiety and depression that can be caused by everyday situations, those who suffer from severe and recurring anxiety or depressive disorders experience emotional pain and distress over long periods of time that disrupt their lives, their abilities to function, and their relationships. It's not uncommon for a couple to seek counseling when severe depression or anxiety is wreaking havoc on one of the partners and, by extension, the relationship itself. However, it is relatively rare for couples to attend therapy specifically for this reason. Most couples usually begin counseling to improve their communication and intimacy, work through feelings of hurt or resentment caused by infidelity, develop better parenting skills, or resolve any number of other issues that may be negatively impacting their relationship. If one of the partners is depressed or highly anxious, it usually becomes apparent within the first few session of couples therapy. Ideally, the partner who's struggling with anxiety or depression will be willing to take a look at these issues and how they are affecting the relationship -- and they almost always are. Unfortunately, many people will try to deny or minimize any role their anxiety or depression is playing in the difficulties the couple is experiencing. After all, so much of the individual's self-conception can involve the anxiety or depression they've experienced for so long, it can be extremely difficult for them to see it and how it's affecting their relationship. This doesn't make it any easier for the other partner, who may feel stuck, worried, unacknowledged, or hopeless about the possibility of saving their relationship and recreating the connection they once shared with their partner. While the best case scenario may be one in which both partners acknowledge the anxiety or depression, as well as its effects on their relationship, and work together to resolve the issue in a supportive environment, the couples therapist will likely need to take some time to educate the couple and explore the options available for addressing and resolving the individual's anxiety or depression. These options can include: Referring the individual suffering from anxiety or depression to another therapist for individual counseling, Having the couples therapist work with the individual alone for a number of sessions before bringing them back to couples therapy, or even Referring the individual to a psychiatrist if prescription medications seem warranted. None of these options is to be taken lightly, and they should all be discussed in detail with your therapist prior to deciding on the best course of action. If you or your partner is experiencing severe or recurring anxiety or depression that is impairing your relationship, you owe it to yourself to seek professional help. If you're already in couples therapy, your couples counselor or therapist can help you determine the severity of the anxiety or depression you're dealing with, as well as provide a safe and confidential environment to discuss how these issues are affecting your relationship and the best treatment options available. That having been said, if one partner is suffering from severe or recurring anxiety or depression, the individual will likely need specific anxiety or depression counseling outside the context of the couples work you came to therapy for in the first place. Individual anxiety or depression counseling or therapy -- whether or not it is used in conjunction with medications -- is usually necessary in order to help you or your partner identify the thought patterns that cause anxiety or depression, learn and practice relaxation techniques, generate more positive ways of thinking about life, restore balance, regain control, and move forward in life and in your relationship with optimism and confidence so your relationship can once again flourish. To learn more about psychotherapy [1], visit Pamela Levy's website on parent counseling in Burlingame [2]. Related posts:What Is Relationship Counseling and Is It Effective?Couples Counseling and TherapyWhat Happens in Couple’s Counseling [1] http://www.pamelalevymft.com/ [2] http://www.pamelalevymft.com/family_parent_therapy_counseling_san_mateo.htm http://newlywedsurvivalguide.com/can-couples-counseling-help-if-one-partner-is-suffering-from-anxiety-or-depression/ Relationship counseling -- regardless of whether it's called marriage counseling, couples counseling, or couples therapy -- focuses on improving the relationship between two individuals. Effective communication is a vital component of successful relationships, whether those relationship are professional or personal. Hence, it should come as little surprise that relationship counseling, in all its forms, focuses on helping couples communicate more effectively. Because of relationship counseling's focus on improving a relationship, it is often seen as being different from individual psychotherapy, which typically focuses on helping one person overcome specific emotional or psychological issues. However, this difference is largely illusory, as emotional and psychological issues commonly involve an individual's emotions, thought processes, and behaviors, as well as changes in their interpersonal relationships. While couples therapy focuses on current relationship problems, these difficulties usually involve each partner's emotional issues as well as the relationship conflicts that result. For example, if you or your partner is having difficulty managing anger, you'll likely experience a continuous stream of arguments. Likewise, if you and your partner are constantly arguing, this will likely lead to anxiety, stress, or depression in other areas of your lives. In couples counseling, a professional couples therapist will help both you and your partner identify the sources of conflict in your relationship. Once the underlying causes of relationship conflict have been determined, your therapist will help you determine the changes you and your partner can make as individuals, as well as what changes can be made in the ways you communicate and interact with one another, so that both of your emotional needs and desires are understood and met. One of the biggest challenges couples face is the inability to stop blaming each other for the relationship's difficulties. However, doing just this is critical if partners are going to learn to work together. Couples counseling can help couples avoid the need to compete with one another, share responsibilities, and identify common objectives and goals that both partners can work towards together. Ultimately, relationship counseling will allow you and your partner the opportunity to talk to each other, and more importantly, listen. This will help you explore your relationship, better understand the difficulties you face, take personal responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions, understand each other's needs and desires, and work together to create positive, lasting change. Is couples counseling effective? Couples therapy can help people in an intimate relationship, regardless of whether they're heterosexual or homosexual, married or not. According to the AAMFT, research has repeatedly supported the effectiveness of couples therapy. For example, in an article published by the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, clients of marriage and family therapists from 15 states reported their experiences with couples counseling. The findings indicate that marriage and family therapists can effectively treat a variety of couples issues in a relatively short period of time and that client results and satisfaction levels are quite high. Whether you're looking to resolve a current conflict, better understand one another and strengthen your relationship, or address potential problems before they get out of control, couples counseling can help. When should you seek couples counseling? Unfortunately, couples counseling is often the last resort for partners that have been experiencing relationship problems. While it's almost never too late for a couple to experience some benefits from couples therapy, the sooner a couple seeks professional help the more effective that help usually is and the better chance the relationship has of success. Ultimately, if you and your partner are serious about creating the best relationship possible -- whether you're just starting out, considering getting married, or looking to reunite after being apart for some time -- it's never too early or too late for relationship counseling to help you explore your relationship, uncover and overcome destructive behavior patterns, learn more effective communication skills, build trust and intimacy, and rediscover the joy in your relationship. To learn more about couples therapy [1], visit Joseph LeFevre's website on group counseling in Campbell [2]. categories: relationship counseling,couples counseling,marriage counseling,counseling,therapy,psychotherapy,mental health,relationships,marriage,psychology,health Related posts:Great Communication — A Vital Tool for a Healthy and Happy RelationshipWhat Happens in Couple’s CounselingCouples Counseling and Therapy [1] http://www.josephlefevre.com/ [2] http://www.josephlefevre.com/teen-adolescent-group-counseling-therapy-san-jose.htm http://newlywedsurvivalguide.com/what-is-relationship-counseling-and-is-it-effective/ The relationship duet is a dance of intimacy all couples do. One partner moves in, the other backs-up. Partners reverse roles as well, but always maintain a certain space between them. The unspoken agreement is the Pursuer chases the Distancer forever, but never catches-up, and the Distancer keeps running, but never gets away. They negotiate the emotional space between them. We all have needs for both autonomy and intimacy -- independence and dependency, yet we simultaneously all fear both being abandoned (acted by the Pursuer), and being too close (acted by the Distancer). Thus, we have the dilemma of intimacy: How can we be close enough to feel secure and safe, without being threatened by too much closeness? The less room there is to navigate this distance, the more difficult the relationship. The higher is a person's self-esteem, the more flexible and comfortable s/he is with greater distance and greater closeness. There is less anxiety, and hence less demand on the relationship to accommodate a narrow comfort zone. ORIGINS: Current research suggests that intimacy problems originate in the early relationship between the mother and infant. Babies and toddlers are dependent on the mother's empathy and regard for their needs and emotions in order to sense their "selves," to feel whole. To an infant or toddler, emotional or physical abandonment threatens its existence and emerging ego, because of its dependency on the mother for validation and development of wholeness. Later, as an adult, being alone or separations in intimate relationships are experienced as painful reminders of the earlier loss. If the mother is depressed, intrusive, or lacks wholeness and self-esteem, there are no boundaries between her and her child. Rather than responding to her child, she projects, and sees her child as an extension of herself, an object to meet her own needs. She can't value her child as a separate "self." The child's boundaries are violated, and its autonomy, feelings, thoughts, and/or body, are disrespected. Instead of developing a healthy sense of self, the child discovers that love and approval come with meeting the mother's needs, and tunes into the mother's responses and expectations. The child learns to please, perform (or rebel), but in either case, gradually tunes out its own thoughts, needs, and/or feelings. Later, intimacy may threaten the adult's sense of autonomy or identity, or he or she may feel invaded, smothered, controlled, shamed, and/or rejected -- emotionally annihilated. A person may feel both abandoned if his or her feelings and needs are not responded to, and at the same time, engulfed by the needs of his or her partner. In relationships where partners lack self-esteem, sustained intimacy isn't possible, because the fears of nonexistence and dissolution are so strong, and because there are not two separate, whole people coming together. COPING STRATEGIES: Our defenses are the way as children we learned to behave in order to feel safe, without risking this abandonment or annihilation. As adults these behaviors create miscommunication. For instance, if you repress your anger to ensure closeness, you stand a good chance of alienating your partner, unaware that you may be expressing your anger indirectly. If you ignore your partner in order to create distance, you inadvertently devalue him or her, creating another problem. Change and growth come in discovering your coping strategies, and learning new responses and behaviors. Ask yourself: Am I aware when I need space and intimacy? How do I create space in my relationships? How do I protect my autonomy? Do you criticize, blame, withdraw, or use substances to create space, be left alone, or lessen intense feelings. Or do you avoid closeness or openness by joking around, lying, showing off, giving advice, or by talking about others or impersonal subjects? Do you get overly involved with people outside your partnership (e.g., children, friends, affairs), or activities (e.g., the internet, work, sports, gambling, shopping)? These activities dilute the intimacy in the relationship. On the other hand, ask: How do I create closeness? How do I ensure that I will be loved and not abandoned? Do you try to create closeness by giving up your autonomy, hobbies, friends or interests, by never disagreeing, by being seductive, or by caretaking and pleasing others? When these behaviors are operating without awareness, you are not coming from a place of choice. When this happens you cannot communicate effectively, nor take into consideration your needs and those of your partner. Instead, the relationship is based on unconscious manipulation of one another to meet your needs. This triggers your partner's defensive reactions. DISOWNED SELVES: Relationships can serve as mirrors for unacknowledged or "disowned" parts of ourselves. Often people attract their opposite into their lives to make them whole. The Pursuer is unconscious that s/he is also afraid of closeness, but relies on the Distancer to achieve enough space for the Pursuer's needs for autonomy and independence. Similarly, the Distancer is afraid of abandonment, but cannot experience the wish for emotional closeness as his or her own. S/he would feel too vulnerable, so s/he needs a Pursuer to satisfy her or his intimacy needs. The Distancer says of the Pursuer: "She (or He) is too demanding, too dependent, too emotional, or too needy." And wonders, "Can I love? Am I selfish? What I give seems never enough." The Pursuer says about the Distancer: "He (or She) is selfish, inconsiderate, inflexible, emotionally withdrawn, has to have things his way." And wonders, "Is there something wrong with me? Aren't I lovable (pretty, thin, successful, smart) enough?" They each blame one another and themselves. The Distancer feels guilty for not meeting the other's needs, and the Pursuer feels angry for not getting his or her own needs met. In reality, the Distancer judges the part of him or herself that is needy, dependent, and vulnerable, and the Pursuer judges the part of him or herself that is selfish and independent, but each sees the part they don't accept in themselves projected onto the other. Both need to embrace the dependent and independent, feminine and masculine, parts of themselves. CHANGE: The key to breaking this polarization is by becoming conscious of our needs and feelings, and risking what we fear most. It requires awareness of our coping behaviors and resisting the impulse to withdraw or pursue. It takes tremendous courage not to run when we feel too close, and not to pursue when we feel abandoned, but instead, learn to acknowledge and tolerate the emotions that arise. This may trigger very young feelings of shame, terror, grief, emptiness, despair, and rage. With the help of a therapist, these feelings can be separated from the present circumstance, in which as adults our survival is no longer at stake. As the feelings are worked through, a less reactive, stronger sense of self develops, one that is not easily threatened or overwhelmed. Partners can learn from each other to embrace their disowned needs. The Pursuer can emulate the Distancer's ability to set limits, to take care of his/her own needs, to prioritize, to be less personally involved. The Distancer can learn from the Pursuer's flexibility, ability to reach out and ask, to feel others and to blend boundaries. Each person must take responsibility for him or herself, rather than relying on their partner to take care of his or her needs for closeness or distance. The Pursuer must risk saying "No," and tolerate the anxiety of separation, saying, "I can't help you -- I need to be alone." The Distancer must risk saying, "I miss you, I need you." In the movie, "The Doctor," William Hurt plays a busy, successful doctor, whose wife feels neglected and abandoned. It's only when Hurt gets brain cancer that he finally acknowledges and risks telling his wife that he needs her. Each must learn to ask for togetherness and space directly, without feeling guilty, or controlling or blaming each other. When each is able to say "Yes" and say "No," without the fear of being overwhelmed by intimacy or abandoned by separation, they won't trigger each other's defensive reaction. When they are conscious of their individual needs, they can acknowledge their partner's needs with respect. They can empathetically hear each other, and wait to have their need satisfied: "I understand and hear your need and its importance to you, but this is also important to me -- can we find a way to compromise?" As couples do this, they will have more authentic intimacy, instead of being locked into an unconscious duet of approach-avoidance. Relationship can be an exciting path to the unknown. But it requires courage -- courage to open yourself up and be vulnerable. The rewards are worth it, because it is a path of self-discovery and ultimately the divine as we open ourselves to one another. In the process we can heal our wounds, become free of our past conditioning, our defenses, and become truly live in the present. Darlene Lancer is a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles [1]. For information on marriage counseling [2] and a FREE Report on Transforming Self-Criticism into Self-Esteem, visit http://www.darlenelancer.com. categories: counseling,therapy,psychotherapy,intimacy,mental health,relationships,marriage,psychology,health Related posts:Great Communication — A Vital Tool for a Healthy and Happy RelationshipCouples Counseling and TherapyWhat Is Relationship Counseling and Is It Effective? [1] http://www.darlenelancer.com/about.php [2] http://www.darlenelancer.com/service.php http://newlywedsurvivalguide.com/relationship-dance-of-intimacy/ Have you been considering marriage counseling or couples therapy because you're in a marriage or relationship that either feels dead or, at the other end of the spectrum, is just about anger? Few things are more emotionally painful than sharing your life with someone and not being able to connect with that person in a positive way. If it seems like when you try to talk to him or her it doesn't go the way you had hoped, after awhile, you might stop trying. But that doesn't mean that the desire to connect with that person has stopped. That desire is the good news. That desire indicates there's hope -- hope and the possibility that there's a chance that the embers of what this relationship once was can be awakened, and brought roaring back to life. Lest that sound like a romance novel, let me add that bringing that relationship to life again takes work. Movies and romance novels tend to gloss over that part. Can couples and marriage therapy help you? Research has shown time after time that licensed mental health professionals, such as marriage and family therapists, psychologists, and clinical social workers, are capable of helping couples effectively address a wide variety of issues in a relatively short period of time and that client results and satisfaction levels are quite high. What you should look to achieve in couples counseling depends to a large degree on your reasons for seeking therapy in the first place, as well as how motivated you are to create change and see your relationship succeed. Some couples seek out therapy in order to put an end to seemingly endless arguments. Others may be looking to rebuild trust and intimacy in the face of infidelity. Among the many issues couples counseling can help resolve effectively, couples therapy can help you and your partner: Develop ways to talk about sensitive subjects such as jealousy, money, and sex, so you both feel heard and understood Understand and resolve repetitive behavior patterns that are causing conflict Better understand each other's needs and desires Manage, stress, anger, and emotional reactivity Work through commitment issues and decide whether or not to get married, start a family, or get back together after a separation or divorce Improve your intimacy and sex life Deal with the emotional challenges involved with infertility and adoption Rebuild trust and intimacy after an affair Determine whether or not your relationship can be saved Aside from the many issues a marriage counselor can help you resolve, a couples counselor can offer an objective assessment of the issues you're facing. It's easy to become so embroiled in the frustration and pain we're dealing with that we can easily lose perspective and miss the underlying causes of the difficulties we're experiencing. Couples counseling can help you step back and make conscious the often unconscious repetitive patterns that lead to relationship conflict. A couples therapist will often take some time to work with each partner individually in order to discover each partner's take on the issues they're facing. This is especially true if the partners don't feel comfortable discussing certain subjects with each other. While no subject should feel off-limits, if you've reached the point in your relationship where you no longer feel comfortable discussing certain things with your partner, you probably need couples counseling more than you know. Perhaps most importantly, couples therapy provides a confidential, safe, and contained environment in which you and your partner can set aside time to communicate, and learn to do so effectively. Effective communication is fundamental to any successful relationship, but it is anything other than automatic. Effective communication takes time, effort, and skill. It is not uncommon for the same two people who once spent hours on the phone when they first met, or long evenings sharing their lives at the beginning of their relationship, now to talk only about the kids, their relatives, or their work, or sadly, not even that. So, first and foremost, couples therapy will allow you the opportunity to talk to each other, and more importantly, listen. This will help you explore your relationship, better understand the difficulties you face, take personal responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions, understand each other's needs and desires, and work together to create positive change. When should you seek couples therapy? Unfortunately, couples counseling is often the last resort for partners that have been experiencing relationship problems. While it's almost never too late for a couple to experience some benefits from couples and marital therapy, the sooner a couple seeks professional help the more effective that help usually is and the better chance the relationship has of success. Ultimately, if you and your partner are serious about creating the best relationship possible -- whether you're just starting out, considering getting married, or looking to reunite after being apart for some time -- it's never too early or too late for couples and marriage counseling and therapy to help you explore your relationship, uncover and overcome destructive behavior patterns, learn more effective communication skills, build trust and intimacy, and rediscover the joy in your relationship. Bea Armstrong is a couples therapist in Los Gatos [1], where she specializes in providing abuse counseling [2]. Related posts:What Is Couples Therapy and Can It Help Your Relationship?Couples Counseling and TherapyWhat Is Couples Counseling? [1] http://www.beaarmstrong.com/couples_marriage_counseling_therapy_therapist_san_jose.html [2] http://www.beaarmstrong.com/individual_anxiety_depression_counseling_therapy_san_jose.html http://newlywedsurvivalguide.com/the-benefits-of-marriage-counseling-and-couples-therapy/ All relationships have their challenges. In addition to the stresses we all face as individuals -- such as dealing with work and career issues, keeping on top of our financial obligations, and navigating family responsibilities -- people often enter relationships from different backgrounds, and with different expectations, which can lead to communication breakdowns and conflict. Couples and marriage counseling and therapy can provide partners the skills and tools necessary to successfully navigate life's ups and downs and create a relationship based on effective communication, intimacy, and joy. How does couples counseling work? According to the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT), couples and marriage counseling and therapy are types of psychotherapy (also known as talk therapy) that address behavior patterns in a relationship. As opposed to more in-depth forms of psychological counseling, couples counseling and therapy is usually short-term and focused on defining specific therapeutic goals, timelines, and treatment outcomes. In couples therapy, a licensed mental health professional -- such as a psychologist, marriage and family therapist, or clinical social worker -- works with both partners to help the couple identify the issues they're facing, determine the underlying causes of these issues, and develop the skills and tools they need to communicate more effectively, resolve conflict, and change behavior patterns that are negatively impacting the relationship. First and foremost, couples therapy is about making sure that both partners can communicate effectively. This means being able to talk and listen... especially the latter. All too often, we're sure we know what our partner is going to say and we mentally fill in the blanks without really hearing them. Couples counseling will also help you explore the issues that result in conflict in your relationship and learn how to navigate them effectively. Quite often, the conflicts in our current relationships stem from issues we've experienced in previous relationships. Couples therapy can help each partner identify repetitive behavior patterns, how and when they were acquired, and examine new patterns of behavior to create positive change. Ultimately, as much as we may want to believe otherwise, we can't change our partners. We can only change ourselves. Therefore, the most effective way to improve your relationship is to change yourself. Knowing this will allow you to enter couples counseling with a focus on reducing your emotional reactivity to your partner so you can learn how to respond differently to your partner without sacrificing your values. Is couples therapy right for you? According to the AAMFT, research has repeatedly supported the effectiveness of couples and marriage counseling and therapy. For example, in an article published by the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, clients of marriage and family therapists from 15 states reported their experiences with couples counseling. The findings indicate that marriage and family therapists can effectively treat a variety of couples issues in a relatively short period of time and that client results and satisfaction levels are quite high. Discussing your feelings with your partner can be difficult, especially if these feelings are negative. Couples and marital counseling can provide a safe, controlled environment and the resources you need to express your feelings to your partner in a clear, non-confrontational manner, as well as really hear what your partner is saying. By increasing the effectiveness of your communication, you can improve your trust and intimacy and give your relationship a better chance of long-term happiness and success. Our relationships, to a large extent, define who we are and how we experience life. Healthy, happy relationships lead to healthier, more successful individuals and families. If you and your partner are serious about creating the best relationship possible, a couples therapist can help you uncover and overcome destructive patterns in your interactions with one another and provide you the communication skills and tools to restore trust, enhance intimacy, and rediscover the joy in your relationship and your life. Mary Deger Seevers is a couples therapist in Burlingame [1], where she specializes in providing family counseling [2]. Related posts:What Is Relationship Counseling and Is It Effective?Couples Counseling and TherapyThe Benefits of Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy [1] http://www.marydegerseevers.com/ [2] http://www.marydegerseevers.com/services/family-marriage-parent-counseling-san-mateo.html http://newlywedsurvivalguide.com/what-is-couples-therapy-and-can-it-help-your-relationship/ There is little doubt that the relationships we have those we love are often the source of our greatest joys and our most painful heartaches. Making the most of a romantic partnership -- helping it grow, blossom, and flourish as time goes on -- takes energy and effort. And even the happiest, most loving couples face time of uncertainty or adversity that threaten their relationship. Fortunately, professional help is available for couples who need it. Regardless of whether you're in a relatively new relationship that's facing challenges which seem beyond your ability to resolve, your relationship seems filled with uncertainty, chaos, or strife, or your relationship has lost the spark it once had and your lives seem filled with nothing but the trivial and mundane, professional marriage counseling and couples therapy can help. While couples and marriage counseling helps countless couples in innumerable ways each and every day, the following are seven reasons you and your partner may want to consider couples therapy: 1. Resolve Inaccurate Assumptions and Misconceptions -- We all come from different backgrounds and have differing beliefs about how a relationship is supposed to work. When partners are unaware of their own underlying assumptions and/or don't share them openly with each other, frustration is likely to follow. Relationship counseling can help both partners come to terms with their different relationship values so they can avoid making inaccurate assumptions and work together to meet each other's needs. 2. Better Express Your Feelings -- Learning how to express our feelings in a way that is respectful and assures they're understood is a valuable skill in any relationship, and is especially important when communicating with our significant others. All too often, partners express themselves in ways that seem aggressive or hurtful, or they don't express their feelings at all. Couples counseling can help you find ways of expressing yourself that make sure you're heard and understood while remaining open to how your partner feels. 3. Develop Problem-Solving Skills -- A large amount of relationship stress can be attributed to everyday problems that occur outside the immediate sphere of the relationship. Professional concerns, financial issues, and problems concerning our extended families are just a few examples of situations that can lead to unnecessary stress between partners. Couples therapy can help you can your partner learn problem-solving and coping skills so that you can face problems together as opposed to taking them out on each other. 4. Overcome Feelings of Detachment -- Given all of the demands on our time, from career, to kids, to family responsibilities and concerns, it can be all too easy to sacrifice the time our relationships need and deserve in order to deal with seemingly more pressing matters. Unfortunately, if we don't give our relationships enough time and attention, we tend to become detached from one another. A couples therapist can work with you and your partner to prioritize your time and find ways of rekindling the attention and energy your relationship enjoyed at its outset. 5. Value Each Other's Uniqueness -- While you likely valued your partner's unique personality quirks and traits when you first met, over time these same traits may go unappreciated or even become a source of frustration. Marriage counseling and therapy can help you and your partner relearn to appreciate all the things about each other that make you the unique individuals you each fell in love with. 6. Improve Your Communication -- Real estate may be all about location, location, location, but our relationships are all about communication, communication, communication! While many issues may lead to relationship discord and strife, a lack of communication is almost always one of the critical problems. A couples and marriage therapist can help you and your partner learn the communication skills and tools necessary to refrain from saying hurtful things, avoid turning small disagreements into huge arguments, and generally be able to understand one another and work together to solve life's challenges together. 7. Learn to Listen -- While this could arguably be included under "Improve Your Communication," it is important enough to warrant addressing on its own. All too often, we tend to assume we know what our partner is thinking or going to say and we "fill in the blanks" and keep moving. However, this lack of attentive listening is not only disrespectful, it is the source of many of the communication issues couples face. To make your relationship work, you not only need to be able to adequately express your own feelings but actively listen to your partner's. As a Greek philosopher once commented, "We have been given two ears and but a single mouth, in order that we may hear more and talk less." While this may be applicable to life in general, it is certainly true in our relationships and couples counseling can help you do just that. Again, these are just seven reasons why couples in any committed relationship may want to consider marriage counseling or couples therapy. There are innumerable others. However, perhaps the most important reason to consider couples counseling is that our relationships to a very great extent define who we are and how we feel about life. Shouldn't you do everything in your power to make sure your relationship is the best it can possibly be? To learn more about couples counseling [1], visit Sherrie Campbell's website on depression counseling in Yorba Linda [2]. Related posts:Couples Counseling and TherapyWhat Is Couples Therapy and Can It Help Your Relationship?Can Couples Counseling Help If One Partner Is Suffering From Anxiety or Depression? [1] http://www.creativepsychologicalinsights.com/individual_couples_marriage_counselor_counseling_fullerton.html [2] http://www.creativepsychologicalinsights.com/anxiety_depression_grief_addiction_counseling_fullerton.html http://newlywedsurvivalguide.com/seven-reasons-to-consider-seeking-couples-counseling/ So, do your husband's past relationships cause problems in marriage? Do you would like to know what to do about this to produce the ideal of the situation? When anything from the past harms marriage, you have to take measures to correct the predicament. Countless occasions couples don't possess a good balance of "me time" and this spots a great deal of stress on their marriage. If only one person gets to spend some time undertaking what they must do to unwind, marriage problems possess a tendency to anxiety among the spouses more than the other and it hurts the marriage. Being a fantastic communicator is incredibly vital also. Being in a position to speak to every other and work through a problem is critical. If the two of you're always carrying out your own thing while home, not spending time collectively, you get started to shed the potential to communicate with every single other. Just be yourself inall your relationships. Even if you fear you will be not good adequate, or you won't be liked, being who you are will enable you to avoid playing games and to place your greatest foot forward. The cause for that is certainly you in fact would like to build trust in your marriage. You would like to construct that trust in your personal thinking, and your husband basically need to want to make trust from you in the marriage. No adult likes to be bossed about. Even at work where there exists a boss/employee relationship, the employee does not Enjoy being told what to do and how to do it. Spouses do not like being treated like a child. They may not complain like a rebellious teen but your marriage issues will probably be harder to take care of after resentment is built up. In a current study, optimistic women were 25% Less Most likely To get BREAST CANCER than people who had been not optimists. Optimism helped girls to take care of traumatic events, also. To maintain a healthy relationship and to prevent break up issues you can follow these effective tips How to get ex back [1]. To know the comments given by various people who are successful in their marriage life ,http://www.getexback-fast.com/ [2]. Related posts:Popular Romantic Relationship Mistakes And Tips On How To Avoid ThemHow You Can Avoid Early Marriage ProblemsMarriage Counseling Can Help To Improve Relationships [1] http://www.getexback-fast.com/ [2] http://www.getexback-fast.com/ http://newlywedsurvivalguide.com/husbands-past-relationships-cause-challenges-in-marriage-three-items-to-avoid-when-dealing-with-this-problem/ Early marriage is actually a healthful option for a lot of post-high school and post-college couples. Settling down early and having a home and family members of their very own can have its positive aspects more than regular marriage ages. Quite a bit of men want companionable love while females crave for romantic Love. Some essential a deeper sense of bonding and certainty while others long for more sensuality. Insisting that our way of seeing points is the only way, that 'they' should really agree with you and ignoring the fact that individuals are distinct will only aggravate the other individual - especially if they also feel that it's you who must agree with them! Remember that persons see elements differently, do issues in their very own way and want diverse elements than you. Just letting your partner know what that you are thinking, telling them how crucial they may be to it is possible to be all that is certainly needed. Your partner is there to share your Love with you, you need to open as much as them, do not keep your thoughts locked away. When either or both partners play the "blame game", criticizing the other for elements that go wrong, it's damaging to the relationship. Relationships will run into troubles of each sort, whether from outside or from within their relationship. Modest differences and petty arguments can turn into marriage deal breakers as couples can still be maturing and creating themselves. High school and college are two extremely critical elements of a person's Love along with the a lot of social issues people in those conditions is often carried into a marriage. Accept your flaws and errors. Pushing the blame onto your partner, when you both know it is your own fault will only cause more arguments. For those who accept responsibility for your very own mistakes the matter is often settled quickly. Significant unresolved conflict is from time to time hard to detect but is usually rather destructive. If a conflict arises and also a couple can communicate effectively to resolve it, they are able to move on without emotional baggage to the next challenge. To maintain a good relationship and to avoid break up problems you can follow these effective tips How To Get Ex Back [1]. To know the reviews given by various people who are successful in their love life,advice to get your ex back [2]. Related posts:Popular Romantic Relationship Mistakes And Tips On How To Avoid ThemHusband’s Past Relationships Cause Challenges In Marriage? Three Items To Avoid When Dealing With This Problem3 Reasons to Avoid Marriage Counseling [1] http://www.getexback-fast.com/ [2] http://www.getexback-fast.com/ http://newlywedsurvivalguide.com/how-you-can-avoid-early-marriage-problems/ No matter whether it's a friendship with work colleagues or buddies, or a more intimate connection having a partner or your children, relationships have their ups and downs. Misunderstandings, squabbles and stony silences can damage relationships. Your possibly sitting continuously going more than what has gone incorrect? Going incorrect? Your head is buzzing with thoughts, trying your best to locate a approach to turn it about. Your emotions are in confused state at the moment. Clear thinking has vanished. The blame game has more than probably kicked in and you start to locate faults with anything. Infidelity is rarely acceptable in a romantic relationship. The significance of the damage completed by one partner having a relationship outside the marriage just cannot be underestimated. Couples in some cases work they way through this, but the truth remains that infidelity if frequently a sign that you can find other, more fundamental relationship issues at play. Teenagers and recent college graduates drop the possibility to discover Love on their very own, and this might be an essential part of shaping one's character and beliefs. Marrying at an early age provides more responsibility to both partners at an early age and can take away time for leisure and relaxation. The couple may be having significant relationship challenges and it has surely crossed their minds to just give up on every other and their marriage by merely getting a divorce. But they still wish to work elements out and make their relationship work. If you say something in the heat of the moment, it normally comes out badly and in a way that you just wish you can take back. So, ahead of you say something, stop and believe about what it's you actually would like to say and also the most effective strategy to say it to avoid hurting the other person. To help you I've sourced and highlighted beneath the three most frequent errors that virtually 90% of failing relationships suffer. To maintain a good relationship and to avoid break up issues you can follow these best tips How to get ex back [1]. To know the comments given by various people who are successful in their marriage life ,Get ex back [2]. Related posts:How You Can Avoid Early Marriage ProblemsWhat’s The Romantic Relationship Counselling Science?Husband’s Past Relationships Cause Challenges In Marriage? Three Items To Avoid When Dealing With This Problem [1] http://www.getexback-fast.com/ [2] http://www.getexback-fast.com/ http://newlywedsurvivalguide.com/popular-romantic-relationship-mistakes-and-tips-on-how-to-avoid-them/ One of the most controversial aspects of the current religious world involves that of personal prophecy. The ultimate aim of this activity is for individuals to comprehend and thus carry out the specific purpose that God has for them in this life. Edification and exhortation of the spirit are said to be just some of the successful outcomes of this activity. In reality of course, humankind is liable to make errors of judgement; sometimes simply due to the limitations of language. God's word is therefore said to be clearly heard through this practice and that will help to minimize any possibility of such errors. However, the practice remains widely criticized as being way over spiritual; in fact it is regarded by many as being blatantly 'New Age'. The Bible is said to be full of examples and stories that serve to highlight this phenomenon. When Adam was said to have eaten from the forbidden tree God was said to reveal to him that he would die. Later, in the New Testament in fact, Mary and Joseph were said to have received prophetic words in the Temple. Basically this practice is similar in kind to that of speaking in tongues, in the sense that it largely benefits the individual rather than the whole Church. It can actually take on many forms. For some people the words seem to literally bubble up from within, while for others it produces a more visionary type effect. It is very important to note that the idea of receiving prophetic words is intended for the use of individual guidance and comfort rather than for teaching. In fact when the entire service revolves around this activity there involves very little, if in fact any kind of teaching. Besides encountering a prophet or one who is said to have the gift of prophecy there exist other ways of receiving the word. This can include receiving through dreams or even through visions. Likewise carrying out a regular prayer program and a thorough and disciplined study of the scriptures can all lead to obtaining the gift of receiving. In summary, personal prophecy is regarded as being a special gift from the Lord that is intended for the use of people in both self-definition and fulfilment. The fact is, whether one agrees that it is a vital part of one's growth or not, the practice has been around for just as long as we have. [youtube:79wbI4dLA-Y?fs=1;[prophetic];http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=79wbI4dLA-Y?fs=1&feature=related] A deeper connection with the religious component of your mind is achievable through personal prophecy [1] and meditation. If you need a prophetic word [2] for counseling or comfort, visit the web pages. Related posts:Will My Partner Love Me Always? How Can You Make Your Relationship Thrive?True Love Is Definitely The Only Bonafide Motivator Within A RelationshipPre-Marriage Counseling 1950’s [1] http://www.thesecondadam.com [2] http://www.thesecondadam.com http://newlywedsurvivalguide.com/a-short-outline-for-the-discipline-of-personal-prophecy-and-its-purpose/