Men will not want to settle down or stay with one woman for several reasons. Even after he’s decided to commit, there are basically three reasons why he might look at another woman: you, him, or the other woman.

First things first — part 1 of the whole equation. You have to really know who you are and what you are good at. Your superpowers and irresistible charms there and it’s extremely important that you know them well. You also have to know your flaws, weaknesses and where you might have made mistakes in the past.

If you are competing for the attention of your man, or any man, do you think your competition knows themselves? Of course they do. Or, at least it looks like to both you and him. We all know what a confident woman looks like. It looks like she knows herself really well. Usually that means she knows her whole self really, really well.

So, the second part of this equation is the man himself. Do you know how your guy thinks about relationships? Do you know much about male psychology? Until you do, you may be stuck in that cycle of confusion, frustration, failure and tears. For one thing, men are not nearly as complicated as women.

If women are like cats — sleek, cunning, and mysterious — then men are like dogs. They follow their nose, plodding along in a straight line, until a cat or squirrel or smell turns their head. They will stop only if they find something interesting to sniff. Why beautiful women find such creatures irresistible is one of the mysteries of life.

So, third we have to take a look at that other woman. Your man’s head turns because that other woman has “something”. She always has a lot on the ball and at least appears to be a confident woman that knows herself well. What exactly does that mean, though, and how does that help you? Have you ever thought about what that “something” might be?

We know as women that we can be pretty hard on ourselves. But, if you take a deeper look at what’s happening, you will see that those other women are really not very different from you and me. Do you think they have some big secret? They want the same things you and I do. They do know themselves and they know men. But, they probably don’t have anything special that you and I don’t have. They do, though, definitely know how to use what they have. How about you?

Dr. Loreley, a credentialed women’s counselor, has a new ebook Relationship secrets for how to win or keep a man based on hundreds of interviews and research. C’mon girls, we’re taking our men back!