Pre Marriage Counseling » counseling for marriage

How To Emancipate An Abusive Relationship?

Sheryl Ingwer — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 18:07:27 +0000

An abusive marriage is one where your partner emotionally or physically abuses you. It may be stressful for you to deal with such problem. Your marital relations are affected a lot due to the physical, emotional or sexual abuse by your partner. You may be troubled by such abuse as it can leave a high impact on your physical and psychological conditions. But, before you take any harsh decision like having a divorce, try to find out the solutions and think about how to save an abusive marriage.

As it was said earlier, there are many factors which you can consider as abuse like emotional, physical, economical and sexual abuse. But you can have the meaning of each plain and simple. First, emotional abuse can be considered when you are being rejected, ignored, terrorized and being insulted are the things that you should count as in while economical abuse is not being given the right to have the things that are needed for your family’s welfare. Physical abuse is being offended with physical injuries.

How will you come to know that your partner is abusive? Some of the warning signs of abusive partner are as follows- he may push the relationship too fast, he demands your attention at all times, he may be very competitive, he feels jealousy about your family members and friends and he is with extreme lows and highs.

If you are abused then you should be able to know that it is not good that you tolerate your partner to do that to you. If you have not known, it has certain bad effects that would happen to you. It could leave you physically disturbed and feel unstable. It would not be that easy at all but starting to do something to save your relationship is something important. If you decide to divorce, you will just make things worst than ever.

When your facing the tough decision as of how to save an abusive marriage, the first step you should take is to find out the reasons of abuse. You may consult with a psychiatric who can help you to understand the causes of misbehavior of your partner. If necessary, you can take your partner to the psychiatric to seek the treatment.

Try to determine the things that would have been the possible reasons why you have experienced this things. Locate where have you done wrong and conquer those guilty feelings. This could be a great solution for you to do so because there are some things that your partner does not want so try to avoid it. Another thing that you should take focus with is your communication with your spouse. Being affectionate to your spouse is the best thing that you could do to help.

At the end of it all, you need to be able to make your partner feel loved and being cared for because he will slowly understand why you are doing all these things for him.

To find the best resources on how to stop divorce then check out this great site on how you can save my marriage online here.

Ways To Win Your Man

Michael Nevins — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 11:38:28 +0000

Men will not want to settle down or stay with one woman for several reasons. Even after he’s decided to commit, there are basically three reasons why he might look at another woman: you, him, or the other woman.

First things first — part 1 of the whole equation. You have to really know who you are and what you are good at. Your superpowers and irresistible charms there and it’s extremely important that you know them well. You also have to know your flaws, weaknesses and where you might have made mistakes in the past.

If you are competing for the attention of your man, or any man, do you think your competition knows themselves? Of course they do. Or, at least it looks like to both you and him. We all know what a confident woman looks like. It looks like she knows herself really well. Usually that means she knows her whole self really, really well.

So, the second part of this equation is the man himself. Do you know how your guy thinks about relationships? Do you know much about male psychology? Until you do, you may be stuck in that cycle of confusion, frustration, failure and tears. For one thing, men are not nearly as complicated as women.

If women are like cats — sleek, cunning, and mysterious — then men are like dogs. They follow their nose, plodding along in a straight line, until a cat or squirrel or smell turns their head. They will stop only if they find something interesting to sniff. Why beautiful women find such creatures irresistible is one of the mysteries of life.

So, third we have to take a look at that other woman. Your man’s head turns because that other woman has “something”. She always has a lot on the ball and at least appears to be a confident woman that knows herself well. What exactly does that mean, though, and how does that help you? Have you ever thought about what that “something” might be?

We know as women that we can be pretty hard on ourselves. But, if you take a deeper look at what’s happening, you will see that those other women are really not very different from you and me. Do you think they have some big secret? They want the same things you and I do. They do know themselves and they know men. But, they probably don’t have anything special that you and I don’t have. They do, though, definitely know how to use what they have. How about you?

Dr. Loreley, a credentialed women’s counselor, has a new ebook Relationship secrets for how to win or keep a man based on hundreds of interviews and research. C’mon girls, we’re taking our men back!

Help With Working Over A Husband’s Affair

Sally Meirson — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 11:17:05 +0000

Finding out that the man you love has betrayed you can be one of the most painful times in your life. Your husband’s affair can leave you devastated and confused. The trust you once had with one another is now shattered and the feeling of being betrayed sets in. Although many marriages do end because of this, others tend to find it in their hearts to work together to save their marriage and these people often times have even stronger relationships afterwards.

After you find out about his infidelity you both should sit down with one another calmly after a cooling off period and rationally discuss where you want to go after this. Do you wish to try as hard as you can to regain all that has been lost or do you want to live separately and divorce? These are very important issues that not only affect each of you but the rest of your family as well.

Find a close family member you can confide within and let all your feelings out to them. The best thing though is to find a respectable marriage counselor for you to discuss everything you are dealing with and feeling. They will also work with your husband if the decision is made to work things through together. Your children can even have sessions with them to let out their emotions regarding the current situation and to help them understand it better.

If he has told you that he will end the affair, make sure he knows that “ended it” to you means to cut off all communications with this other person altogether. This means no phone calls, emails, texts etc. and especially not seeing one another again for any reason. If he is not willing to do this then there is no sense in staying in a marriage with some one who does not value you as a wife or a woman and you should move on without them.

At times you may feel as though your not going to survive this shock to your marriage and your self esteem. But you will and it will make for an even stronger person than you once were. Even though your husband hurt you you will need to keep the lines of communication open between you two. This is another area where hiring a counselor or therapist who specializes in marriages comes as mediator to both of you.

Most wives’ reactions are pretty close to the same: they get angry, feel ashamed, disappointed in their husband and most of all betrayed by the one person they loved the most. You will go through periods of wanting to know every last detail of the affair from your husband and also to wondering if he is with his mistress when he is not with you. This is the normal stage of grief over the infidelity and it will pass. This is one time when close friends and family are needed and you should not shut them out but confide in them as it does help.

The hardest thing that you and your husband will have to do to get on the road to recovering your marriage is to talk with each other about why this affair happened, why he felt the need to start an affair, what was he lacking in this marriage for him to need an affair. These are very raw issues but they must be addressed as it will help the both of you find out what the core cause of this infidelity really was.

You may be feeling like the most unlucky woman in the world but know their are a lot of other women out there who have it much worse than worrying and dealing with a husband’s affair. If you two love one another and want to make your marriage even stronger after a bad thing like this then do it together not apart. Marriages in any form should not be taken lightly as you both promised to love til death do you part and for better or for worse.

The stress and emotional hurt of a husband affair can rock the most solid marriage. For tips on how to recover or survive the experience, visit the website at http://www.husbandaffairadvice.com today.

How Marriage Counseling Can Resolve Problems In Your Marriage

john roberts — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 19:10:47 +0000

Do you feel sad and disappointed with the way your marriage has turned out? Have you been bickering with each other for the smallest of things? Tough times are part of marriages but if you think that yours is going through so much that you are slowly losing control, find ways to save it. One way of saving a marriage is with marriage counseling.

I am sure that marriage counseling is a term that you have heard or read about already. With the increasing rates of divorce cases every year, more and more couples are attending marriage counseling sessions to give their marriages another try.

In front of a psychotherapist, the couple will be talking about their marriage. You will be talking about your marriage in front of a marriage counselor or psychotherapist so that he or she can objectively assess the state of your marriage. The marriage counselor can objectively assess your marriage since he or she is neither a family member nor a friend and this will even be more helpful in identifying how the problems can be solved.

Marriage counselors are very helpful since they can give you a new set of eyes to look into the problems of your marriage. More often than not, the objective eyes of the marriage counselor can quickly help you identify what you and your spouse are doing wrong. With the marriage counseling classes, the root cause of your marital problems will also be identified.

Remember that some marital problems usually start from your habits and beliefs. The marriage counselor can help you establish these habits and beliefs and show you how these can harm your marriage.

Furthermore, the marriage counseling classes will teach you how to effectively communicate with your spouse. Here, you will be disclosing your deepest emotions, desires, and thoughts. And more often than not, these are not communicated properly to your spouse which can also cause your marital problems. One of the important aspects of successful marriages is effective communication of the husband and wife. If you can effectively communicate with your spouse, and if your spouse knows how to listen to you, harmony will definitely be back in your marriage.

If you want to save your marriage, marriage counseling is a very effective method. One problem that commonly arises is that couples decide too late when they will be attending marriage counseling sessions. Sometimes, the husband or the wife has already decided to file for a divorce no matter what which makes attendance to the sessions futile. In this scenario, attending the marriage counseling sessions can no longer help the couple in saving their marriage.

Another problem is when one of the spouses does not want to attend marriage counseling classes. Some people do not believe in marriage counseling sessions and are uncomfortable in sharing things about their marriage to people they do not know. In this case, only one of the spouses is willing to attending marriage . If this is the case and you still both want to save your marriage, you can try other methods to get help.

Find out the other methods that you can use aside from marriage counseling. There are still other ways to save your marriage today.

Christian Marriage Counseling: Counseling With Christian Values

john roberts — Wed, 11 Aug 2010 14:33:36 +0000

It is rather sad but reality is a lot of marriages are now in the brink of divorce because of a variety of reasons. And what makes matters worse is the fact that only a few couples know the various methods in addressing these reasons that lead to divorce. Is the term Christian marriage counseling something new to you?

It is a fact that Christian married couples may find it difficult to find help in case their marriages turn problematic. Basically since sometimes they work with marriage coaches or marriage counselors whom they feel have a perspective that is not right with their Christian values and beliefs.

But of course, they can always ask advice from their family and friends who are also Christians. But what if the advice of well-meaning family and friends is not enough in helping out their marriage? Is there something else that these Christian married couples may do?

The good news is that there are other choices. If you strongly believe that marriage counseling is the best option for you and your spouse, you can definitely find Christian marriage counseling. Yes, Christian marriage counseling is for Christian couples who are looking for help in their marriage without having to set aside their Christian values and beliefs.

A lot of Christian married couples who go to marriage counseling oftentimes become frustrated since the values and beliefs of the counselor are not the same as theirs. On the other hand, attendance to Christian marriage counseling means that the couple’s beliefs and values will be taken into account during the sessions.

Like the common marriage counseling, Christian marriage counseling entails that couples will talk about their thoughts and feelings in the presence of the counselor. This way, the counselor is able to identify the reasons behind the problems in the couple’s marriage. For instance, the counselor can surely identify if there are past issues causing the problems in the marriage. Furthermore, the counselor will also see how the spouses interact with each other and if they have any problem in that aspect of marriage. Remember that effective communication and interaction are very vital in making a marriage happy and successful.

But then, what can you do if your husband or wife dislikes attending counseling? The good news is that you can still explore other options with your spouse. You can turn to different books and magazines which deal with strengthening and repairing problematic marriages. The great thing is that bookstores have so many books on marriages today. You can definitely visit the library or bookstore first to browse on these books before purchasing the right one for your needs.

Sadly, some Christian married couples also have a hard time finding a book that puts importance to Christian values and beliefs. If you are also encountering this obstacle in finding the right book, you can definitely look at ebooks. Truth is, ebooks are also very effective like Christian marriage counselingin finding the answers on how to deal with the different marital problems.

Do you want to know more ways on how to save your marriage with Christian marriage counseling? Get the best ebook that many Christian couples have already benefited from.

Why You Need Marriage And Family Counselors

john roberts — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 12:40:35 +0000

Whenever spouses feel that their marriage is about to fall apart, they will start considering a lot of things most especially if they already have children. More often than not, children are the most affected people in these circumstances. If you want to try saving your marriage or to help the family deal with the changes, it a great idea to look for marriage and family counselors.

Some couples do try all different means to save their marriage before they even think of filing for a divorce. Counseling is one of the effective approaches to save a marriage. The marriage counselor will be supervising all the sessions. In marriage counseling sessions, couples will be talking about their personal thoughts and desires with regards to their relationship, problems, and partners.

Furthermore, the counselor will also help you identify any more problems that you are not aware of but are affecting your marriage. Furthermore, the marriage counselor can also recommend better approaches to deal with the couple’s problems.

What makes marriage counseling effective is the fact that the counselor is able to give the spouses a new outlook on their marriage. He or she can also help you a lot in identifying what are the main problems in your marriage and how to properly deal with these.

And if you have children, going to marriage and family counseling can surely help you and your spouse as well as your children in dealing with the changes that are affecting the family. Here, the children will also be able to talk about their perceptions and feelings towards the difficult times that the family is experiencing.

Furthermore, the sessions can help identify any problems between the children, parents, or siblings that these people may not be aware of but are actually influencing their family. The sessions are an effective way to help the entire family cope with their difficulties so that they can effective deal with these and not cause further harm to their relationships.

There are so many marriage and family counselors that picking the right one for your family can get overwhelming. Getting referrals from your friends and family can make the task less overwhelming and faster. Referrals are the best way of knowing how good the counselor really is because someone you know already worked with him or her.

If your family and friends cannot refer anybody to you, you can just make a research before deciding on who to hire. Visit the offices or websites of counselor that are available in your area and look at their brochures and background information. In your research, compare the different services that they offer, the price for every service, their specialties and methologies. And to get a better knowledge about the marriage and family counselorsyou can always visit their offices for a free consultation, if they do offer that. These free consultations are great ways to assess the counselors in person and to find out if you and your family feels comfortable to work with him or her.

Are you searching for marriage and family counselors? Find out more information about them and other approaches to save your marriage with the ebook Save Your Marriage Today.

The Top 4 Guidelines To Achieve Marriage Restoration And Success

Kisa Puckett — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 16:12:26 +0000

Forgiving is many times very difficult in life although it is essential for Marriage Restoration. What even seems to be more difficult is forgiving our close loved ones and spouses for past hurts and pains. Because we hold our loved ones close to us and their decisions and actions effect us greatly in ways that do not effect us when others outside of them do things toward us, it becomes an even more difficult task for most of us. In order to succeed with Marriage Restoration it is very crucial that we forgive no matter how wrong something may feel. There are 4 steps to help you and your spouse to move the past in the past, place forgiveness on the table and embrace Marriage Restoration.

- Be sure to reflect on your own personal relationship with God, then commit to God’s Will with your spouse, as well as individually. Making sure you are in right relationship with God is the foundation of committing to His Will. By being in right relationship with Him, you are able to hear Him speak to you, your life and your marriage.

2) Agree to tell the truth from this point on, with no lies. Honesty is imperative and builds trust back into the relationship so that doubt no longer resides.

- Allow communication and discussions to be without attacks, while giving each other respect and uninterrupted time to express feelings, thoughts and concerns.

4) Pray over it and agree to move forward without ever looking back on it. It is important that God remain the foundation of your new Marriage Restoration plan. He will supply every need and give you strength, knowledge and wisdom, as well as patience to endure the change.

Marriage Restoration and forgiveness go hand and hand. God’s desire for us is reconciliation which happens during Marriage Restoration. Having a solid action plan is necessary to alleviating some of the hardships of forgiving during Marriage Restoration. As Jesus Christ is our example, modeling Him as He forgives, just as He did when he died and saved us in the midst of our sin, we too must forgive.

Matthew 6:14-15 For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Seeking tips and advice on strengthening your Marriage? Go to http://mychristianmarriageadvice.com/ to get more helpful resources on Marriage Restoration.

Useful Steps That Might Salvage My Marriage

Mohammed Amed — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 16:36:00 +0000

There is an increasing number of marriages that are ending in divorce and the courts have seen an increase in the number of divorce cases over the years. A lot of divorce cases could have been avoided if people had been aware of what to do. A common question that people wonder is about steps to save their marriages.

One of the first steps that can be taken in an attempt to save your marriage is to seek advice from a marriage counselor. This counseling acts as couple therapy and it helps people to discuss the problems and this can be done in a neutral environment.

There is a lot of occasions when people are so close to the situation that they completely lose sight of the perspective. Its important to bear in mind that even although you are going through a rough patch in the marriage, there is still a bond between the couple.

The important thing when it comes to saving a marriage is to discover the common bond and then build on the relationship from there. The marriage counselor will aim to encourage and assist the couple to identify the special bond.

Counseling can be a very expensive path to take and the truth is that not everyone can afford to go down this path. If you are looking for a way to save your marriage, then the crucial thing is to meet on neutral ground so that no one feels uncomfortable as this can make things harder. It is important to remember that everyone will bring both positive and negative things into a relationship.

One of the best ways to save a relationship is to talk with your partner. One of the biggest problems when it comes to marriages is that there is a low level of communication. There is only one way to know what someone is thinking and that is to ask them. Trying to read someones mind can be very dangerous and destructive.

Successful relationships take a great deal of work and sometimes outside help is needed. Check out the site of Dr. Jim Goldstein for information on when counseling could save your marriage. If your relationship is lacking the spark and excitement that it once had, consider obtaining the services of a marriage counselor .

The Keys To Turning Domestic Conflicts Into Win-Win Propositions

Mitchell H. Milch — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:15:24 +0000

Anger is a lit match that can be blown on and cooled or thrown onto a pile of paper on which kerosene is poured. It’s an opportunity for friends and lovers to resolve conflicts to the benefit of both parties and bring these parties closer to each other or it can be an invitation to start a war and turn partners into enemies. The following recommendations approach anger as an opportunity to build bridges and meaningful connections.

1) Ask for what you want respectfully. Frame the requests so that they are requests that will create mutual feelings of satisfaction and appreciation.

2) Stay in the present and address one issue at a time. Today is the first day of the rest of your lives. Avoid phrases that shape no win situations such as: “You always, you never, etc…” The blame and shame game is played in a world of black and white. Stay in a world of shades of gray.

3) When expressing your feelings express them assertively and let your partner understand the cause-effect relationship between what you are hearing and/or seeing, how it affects you and the responses that are shaped. i.e., “When you look away when I’m talking to you I feel frustrated and annoyed because I want to feel important to you and not that I’m burdensome and uninteresting. When you behave this way I feel like leaving you behind and spending the afternoon with our dog.”

4) Pay attention actively and clarify what you are hearing. When we try to read minds we are acting in a disrespectful manner and oftentimes reading our own minds and confusing them with our partners’.

5) Resolving issues is easier when you do your best to keep your tone of voice, words and body language consistent. If you are receiving mixed messages, let your partner know in as compassionate and thoughtful a way as possible.

6) Give your significant other the benefit of the doubt and don’t use malicious motives to rationalize your behavior.

7) Two wrongs never make a right and usually just make matters worse. Two wrongs is a blueprint for a vicious cycle of victimization and retaliation in the absence of reparations being offered by the alleged aggressor.
If your anger is holding your thoughts hostage and you are on an aggressive mission both of you will regret then, please consider calling time out, calm your self down, reflect on what just happened and then, get back together when you are back in control of yourself and willing and able to work matters out.

9) Make an effort to throw out concepts of right and wrong, good and bad, smart and stupid, etc. There are your tastes and opinions and your partner’s tastes and opinions. The faster you differentiate yourself from what your spouse does or doesn’t do, and will do or won’t do, the easier it will be for you to look after your self-esteem rather than blame your partner for things that are beyond your control. When you can retain your self-regard you will be better equipped to maintain respect for your partner in the event you feel discouraged, disappointed, annoyed, etc.

10) Remember, love is a verb and to act in a loving manner it’s important that you not lose sight of the possibility that the same partner you loved yesterday is the partner you hate today. We are all complex individuals with numerous facets to our personalities. Hold on to yourself as a complete individual and you are likely to hold on to your spouse as a complete individual as well.

11) Romantic relationships succeed when life becomes a win/win proposition. Negotiate with balanced regard for both of your interests. When you say you don’t care about your partner’s self-interest, you are also saying you don’t care about your own self-interest. If it’s not possible to make a significant decision to your mutual satisfaction, take the decision off the table and try again another time.

12) Display your appreciation for each other with compliments. If your criticisms outnumber your compliments, existence with your spouse will likely be problematic. It’s universal to wish to be known, accepted and loved as long as that love and acceptance is not at the expense of your spouse’s integrity and core values. Unconditional love is reserved for small children. Adults want respect, consideration and love from their spouses and will not be pleased when they have to be flawless and/or jump through hoops day after day to achieve it. You’re not flawless so don’t assume perfection from your significant other.

13) If you wish to have a healthy relationship speak directly to each other and not through a third party.

14) Take turns speaking and listening.

15) No one wants to dig bunkers in their home to feel secure or safe. Keep away from all types of emotional and physical abuse as if they are loaded guns. They are relationship killers.

Learn more about counseling for couples in Ridgewood, New Jersey by visiting Mitchell Milch’s website: Counseling and Psychotherapy for Ridgewood, New Jersey.

Learn How To Handle A Marriage Breakup

Oscar Pietling — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 17:26:17 +0000

Splitting up is never easy, it can be painful not just for the couple but also their friends and family. If you want to learn how to handle a marriage breakup in such a way that you do not spend many weeks, months, and years struggling to get back on your feet then you should take a moment to read the following advice.

Initially it’s important not to throw around blame. This would not help anyone; in fact all it would do is create a bad atmosphere for everyone that is involved. You should realise that nobody is faultless or perfect. Do what you can to stay on the best of terms with your ex no matter what the cause of the break up. If you are mature about the situation then it would be much easier to move on with your life.

It can happen that when we are heavily involved in a long relationship we lose our individuality and our sense of independence. After a break up it is likely that we have a lot of time on our hands as well as more money in our wallets.

Use the opportunity to enjoy yourself. Perhaps there are activities that your ex discouraged. For example, go out with old friends and meet new people.

Find a way to control all of your emotions more effectively. Of course you will feel sad and upset after a marriage ends but do not let this frame of mind become the norm. Remember that our world is full of wonder and joy, try to detach yourself from negative thoughts and learn to enjoy the little things in life. No one else is going to pick up the pieces left in your life.

It can help to get yourself a fresh new look. This can have a major impact on the way we feel about ourselves. There is nothing wrong with splashing out on a new wardrobe if it makes you feel better. Or how about booking yourself into a Spa? The stress you currently are feeling should quickly disappear and you will find it much easier to cope with the overall situation.

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