Pre Marriage Counseling » couples

Marriage Counseling – Should You Go For It

Betty Hanks — Fri, 17 Sep 2010 18:28:11 +0000

You should have learned by now that there is no such thing as a perfect relationship or a perfect marriage. That is because the people who are involved are imperfect. And because this is the case, you should expect your own relationship to be put under fire from time to time. Some challenges along the way may be no match for you. But what are the exact situations that you would need help from a third party?

Having many unresolved issues is one of the first signs that a couple needs help from a marriage counselor. These unresolved issues may include subjects that result into the couple debating over the matter every time it is brought up. These small matters eventually result into bitterness and resentment in the part of the couple.

Break down of communication is another serious situation wherein every conversation just seems to lack the passion the couple once felt when they were just starting in their relationship. Instead of serving as a tool for intimacy, communication now ends up being an avenue for fighting.

A marriage under fire needs a lot of effort to be saved. Most of the fire that causes marriages to burn down to the ground – aside from communication problem and unresolved issues – are the existence of a third party, a large debt or an illness. No one is exempted from these kinds of trials that is why it is best you seek help when undergoing such.

Trials in marriages usually open up doors for insecurities to rule in the hearts and minds of the two people involved. When this happens, frustrations and depression also follows. Trust can only be restored when both parties acknowledge their insecurities and that they need help to overcome it.

The main benefit of seeking counsel is for a couple to have a strong relationship. Most counseling session usually end up with each party knowing each other better than they knew each other the first time they met.

There are other factors that may determine whether you should seek help or not and these are only a few of them. Marriage is not like food that you put in your mouth and spit out when you don”t like the way it tastes. Seeking help from a counselor is good for couples who are still planning to get married too since it will give them the idea of what married life looks like.

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The Keys To Turning Domestic Conflicts Into Win-Win Propositions

Joseph LeFevre — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:15:24 +0000

Anger is a lit match that can be blown on and cooled or thrown onto a pile of paper on which kerosene is poured. It’s an opportunity for friends and lovers to resolve conflicts to the benefit of both parties and bring these parties closer to each other or it can be an invitation to start a war and turn partners into enemies. The following recommendations approach anger as an opportunity to build bridges and meaningful connections.

1) Ask for what you want respectfully. Frame the requests so that they are requests that will create mutual feelings of satisfaction and appreciation.

2) Stay in the present and address one issue at a time. Today is the first day of the rest of your lives. Avoid phrases that shape no win situations such as: “You always, you never, etc…” The blame and shame game is played in a world of black and white. Stay in a world of shades of gray.

3) When expressing your feelings express them assertively and let your partner understand the cause-effect relationship between what you are hearing and/or seeing, how it affects you and the responses that are shaped. i.e., “When you look away when I’m talking to you I feel frustrated and annoyed because I want to feel important to you and not that I’m burdensome and uninteresting. When you behave this way I feel like leaving you behind and spending the afternoon with our dog.”

4) Pay attention actively and clarify what you are hearing. When we try to read minds we are acting in a disrespectful manner and oftentimes reading our own minds and confusing them with our partners’.

5) Resolving issues is easier when you do your best to keep your tone of voice, words and body language consistent. If you are receiving mixed messages, let your partner know in as compassionate and thoughtful a way as possible.

6) Give your significant other the benefit of the doubt and don’t use malicious motives to rationalize your behavior.

7) Two wrongs never make a right and usually just make matters worse. Two wrongs is a blueprint for a vicious cycle of victimization and retaliation in the absence of reparations being offered by the alleged aggressor.
If your anger is holding your thoughts hostage and you are on an aggressive mission both of you will regret then, please consider calling time out, calm your self down, reflect on what just happened and then, get back together when you are back in control of yourself and willing and able to work matters out.

9) Make an effort to throw out concepts of right and wrong, good and bad, smart and stupid, etc. There are your tastes and opinions and your partner’s tastes and opinions. The faster you differentiate yourself from what your spouse does or doesn’t do, and will do or won’t do, the easier it will be for you to look after your self-esteem rather than blame your partner for things that are beyond your control. When you can retain your self-regard you will be better equipped to maintain respect for your partner in the event you feel discouraged, disappointed, annoyed, etc.

10) Remember, love is a verb and to act in a loving manner it’s important that you not lose sight of the possibility that the same partner you loved yesterday is the partner you hate today. We are all complex individuals with numerous facets to our personalities. Hold on to yourself as a complete individual and you are likely to hold on to your spouse as a complete individual as well.

11) Romantic relationships succeed when life becomes a win/win proposition. Negotiate with balanced regard for both of your interests. When you say you don’t care about your partner’s self-interest, you are also saying you don’t care about your own self-interest. If it’s not possible to make a significant decision to your mutual satisfaction, take the decision off the table and try again another time.

12) Display your appreciation for each other with compliments. If your criticisms outnumber your compliments, existence with your spouse will likely be problematic. It’s universal to wish to be known, accepted and loved as long as that love and acceptance is not at the expense of your spouse’s integrity and core values. Unconditional love is reserved for small children. Adults want respect, consideration and love from their spouses and will not be pleased when they have to be flawless and/or jump through hoops day after day to achieve it. You’re not flawless so don’t assume perfection from your significant other.

13) If you wish to have a healthy relationship speak directly to each other and not through a third party.

14) Take turns speaking and listening.

15) No one wants to dig bunkers in their home to feel secure or safe. Keep away from all types of emotional and physical abuse as if they are loaded guns. They are relationship killers.

Learn more about counseling for couples in Ridgewood, New Jersey by visiting Mitchell Milch’s website: Counseling and Psychotherapy for Ridgewood, New Jersey.

Financial Tips For Newly Weds

Simon Le Grande — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 21:39:53 +0000

It’s often said that getting engaged is easy. The difficult part is what comes next! As soon as you ask the question you will have to begin planning for your wedding, and one of the most important factors is getting your finances in order. Although this is an exciting time for you and your partners, you must not become overwhelmed by the responsibility.

With all the excitement around the wedding plans it’s easy to forget something or simply not realise that a decision had to be made. This article will provide you with a checklist that will help you keep track of all the big decisions and help ensure you don’t forget anything.

1. Merge finances. Honesty is the key here. Talk through your spending and saving habits declaring any debts and assets you may have. This can be one of the hardest things to do but once everything is in the open it will be much clearer.

2. Budget for your wedding – Weddings are very expensive affairs but it’s important that you don’t spend above your means. Review your finances and set yourself a limit on what you can afford and stick to it! This may mean you have to make sacrifices but it’s better this than start your marriage in debt.

3. Should you have a prenuptial agreement? There is not much that can destroy the romantic flow of an evening like either party bringing up the topic of prenuptial agreements. Regardless of this it’s a subject that should be discussed and both parties should be made aware of the advantages/disadvantages.

4. Merge Monies. It shows a great deal of commitment if you are prepared to share bank accounts with any other person and shows that you want to be with them for a while to come.

5. Review your tax situation – There are often tax breaks available for married couples so you should consult your local tax office office. A qualified account will also be able to offer advice so if in doubt get a third opinion.

Marriage is important so make sure you make the right decision. This article is written by a family planning expert who also has experience in samsung unlocking.

Free Marriage Counseling

newly wed guide — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 08:33:05 +0000

Marriage or couples counseling, and help in their own way, does not usually provide the same kind of intensive and extensive education and training as a preparation for marriage. (Just as preparation for marriage does not offer the most comprehensive study of each of the problems and issues may in the long-term counseling.) Development of skills and training are key factors in the long term prevention of divorce and marriage success. Today marriages need all the help they can get. Even if it is free marriage counseling.

When couples marriage normal in compatibility and conflicts often turn to the couple counseling or therapy to help. Couples do not realize that the problems are running against are a normal part of the relationship. In most cases, these couples what they really need (at least to start) is a quality, based on skill, experience, training marriage.

Some couples choose to both marriage and marriage education or couples counseling. Many couples who are considering the possibility of finding private advice that the MST is a very useful complement to or interim steps. They can quickly cover all issues of a general nature, develop skills and get an overview of their relationship profile in the seminar. Many couples discover that MST gives them what they need to move forward in their relationship. make sure you get pre marriage counseling even if it is free marriage counseling.