Pre Marriage Counseling » couples

The Keys To Turning Domestic Conflicts Into Win-Win Propositions

Mitchell H. Milch — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:15:24 +0000

Anger is a lit match that can be blown on and cooled or thrown onto a pile of paper on which kerosene is poured. It’s an opportunity for friends and lovers to resolve conflicts to the benefit of both parties and bring these parties closer to each other or it can be an invitation to start a war and turn partners into enemies. The following recommendations approach anger as an opportunity to build bridges and meaningful connections.

1) Ask for what you want respectfully. Frame the requests so that they are requests that will create mutual feelings of satisfaction and appreciation.

2) Stay in the present and address one issue at a time. Today is the first day of the rest of your lives. Avoid phrases that shape no win situations such as: “You always, you never, etc…” The blame and shame game is played in a world of black and white. Stay in a world of shades of gray.

3) When expressing your feelings express them assertively and let your partner understand the cause-effect relationship between what you are hearing and/or seeing, how it affects you and the responses that are shaped. i.e., “When you look away when I’m talking to you I feel frustrated and annoyed because I want to feel important to you and not that I’m burdensome and uninteresting. When you behave this way I feel like leaving you behind and spending the afternoon with our dog.”

4) Pay attention actively and clarify what you are hearing. When we try to read minds we are acting in a disrespectful manner and oftentimes reading our own minds and confusing them with our partners’.

5) Resolving issues is easier when you do your best to keep your tone of voice, words and body language consistent. If you are receiving mixed messages, let your partner know in as compassionate and thoughtful a way as possible.

6) Give your significant other the benefit of the doubt and don’t use malicious motives to rationalize your behavior.

7) Two wrongs never make a right and usually just make matters worse. Two wrongs is a blueprint for a vicious cycle of victimization and retaliation in the absence of reparations being offered by the alleged aggressor.
If your anger is holding your thoughts hostage and you are on an aggressive mission both of you will regret then, please consider calling time out, calm your self down, reflect on what just happened and then, get back together when you are back in control of yourself and willing and able to work matters out.

9) Make an effort to throw out concepts of right and wrong, good and bad, smart and stupid, etc. There are your tastes and opinions and your partner’s tastes and opinions. The faster you differentiate yourself from what your spouse does or doesn’t do, and will do or won’t do, the easier it will be for you to look after your self-esteem rather than blame your partner for things that are beyond your control. When you can retain your self-regard you will be better equipped to maintain respect for your partner in the event you feel discouraged, disappointed, annoyed, etc.

10) Remember, love is a verb and to act in a loving manner it’s important that you not lose sight of the possibility that the same partner you loved yesterday is the partner you hate today. We are all complex individuals with numerous facets to our personalities. Hold on to yourself as a complete individual and you are likely to hold on to your spouse as a complete individual as well.

11) Romantic relationships succeed when life becomes a win/win proposition. Negotiate with balanced regard for both of your interests. When you say you don’t care about your partner’s self-interest, you are also saying you don’t care about your own self-interest. If it’s not possible to make a significant decision to your mutual satisfaction, take the decision off the table and try again another time.

12) Display your appreciation for each other with compliments. If your criticisms outnumber your compliments, existence with your spouse will likely be problematic. It’s universal to wish to be known, accepted and loved as long as that love and acceptance is not at the expense of your spouse’s integrity and core values. Unconditional love is reserved for small children. Adults want respect, consideration and love from their spouses and will not be pleased when they have to be flawless and/or jump through hoops day after day to achieve it. You’re not flawless so don’t assume perfection from your significant other.

13) If you wish to have a healthy relationship speak directly to each other and not through a third party.

14) Take turns speaking and listening.

15) No one wants to dig bunkers in their home to feel secure or safe. Keep away from all types of emotional and physical abuse as if they are loaded guns. They are relationship killers.

Learn more about counseling for couples in Ridgewood, New Jersey by visiting Mitchell Milch’s website: Counseling and Psychotherapy for Ridgewood, New Jersey.

Financial Tips For Newly Weds

Simon Le Grande — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 21:39:53 +0000

It’s often said that getting engaged is easy. The difficult part is what comes next! As soon as you ask the question you will have to begin planning for your wedding, and one of the most important factors is getting your finances in order. Although this is an exciting time for you and your partners, you must not become overwhelmed by the responsibility.

With all the excitement around the wedding plans it’s easy to forget something or simply not realise that a decision had to be made. This article will provide you with a checklist that will help you keep track of all the big decisions and help ensure you don’t forget anything.

1. Merge finances. Honesty is the key here. Talk through your spending and saving habits declaring any debts and assets you may have. This can be one of the hardest things to do but once everything is in the open it will be much clearer.

2. Budget for your wedding – Weddings are very expensive affairs but it’s important that you don’t spend above your means. Review your finances and set yourself a limit on what you can afford and stick to it! This may mean you have to make sacrifices but it’s better this than start your marriage in debt.

3. Should you have a prenuptial agreement? There is not much that can destroy the romantic flow of an evening like either party bringing up the topic of prenuptial agreements. Regardless of this it’s a subject that should be discussed and both parties should be made aware of the advantages/disadvantages.

4. Merge Monies. It shows a great deal of commitment if you are prepared to share bank accounts with any other person and shows that you want to be with them for a while to come.

5. Review your tax situation – There are often tax breaks available for married couples so you should consult your local tax office office. A qualified account will also be able to offer advice so if in doubt get a third opinion.

Marriage is important so make sure you make the right decision. This article is written by a family planning expert who also has experience in samsung unlocking.

Free Marriage Counseling

newly wed guide — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 08:33:05 +0000

Marriage or couples counseling, and help in their own way, does not usually provide the same kind of intensive and extensive education and training as a preparation for marriage. (Just as preparation for marriage does not offer the most comprehensive study of each of the problems and issues may in the long-term counseling.) Development of skills and training are key factors in the long term prevention of divorce and marriage success. Today marriages need all the help they can get. Even if it is free marriage counseling.

When couples marriage normal in compatibility and conflicts often turn to the couple counseling or therapy to help. Couples do not realize that the problems are running against are a normal part of the relationship. In most cases, these couples what they really need (at least to start) is a quality, based on skill, experience, training marriage.

Some couples choose to both marriage and marriage education or couples counseling. Many couples who are considering the possibility of finding private advice that the MST is a very useful complement to or interim steps. They can quickly cover all issues of a general nature, develop skills and get an overview of their relationship profile in the seminar. Many couples discover that MST gives them what they need to move forward in their relationship. make sure you get pre marriage counseling even if it is free marriage counseling.